Sometimes you’re just too deep into the friend zone. So deep that you can hardly swim to the surface. So deep that you’re struggling for breath.
You know, I’ve heard way too many girls say to their girlfriends that they want to be “one of the bros” with guys. Like, really? Do you really want to be considered another guy in a group of boys you want to flirt with or even have a crush on? If that’s the case, boy, do you know little about relationships. It sucks, that’s what it is.
So there’s this guy. What I did to get so stuck on him I have no clue. But I do have a theory: the so-called “playing hard to get” hypothesis. They say when one person acts with little regard toward the other, then the other person will strive more and more to be with that person, and that’s why he/she’s so drawn to someone they might not originally have fallen head over heels for if that person would’ve given in. And that’s where I fall. If he’d given in like a few (very few) others, would I be so eager to get to him? Definitely not. But let’s be real: there’s pretty much no hope for me in regards to love and relationships at my high school. So, yeah, I’ve finally fallen for a guy who’s actually in my league. He’s in a varsity spring sport, he’s got amazing grades, and we connect really well. What’s not to love? Well, that’s the thing: we connect really well. Like, really well. And that’s where the first paragraph comes into relation with this dream guy.
Me? I’m considered “one of the guys.” He and his best friend talk to me like I’m just another one of their guy friends. An inside joke about bj’s? They hesitate to tell girls, saying it’s too rude, but they don’t even think twice when it comes to telling me. Like, do I not count as a girl? And they show me lame dance moves and it’s absolutely hilarious; I love them for being so open to me, but why can’t I be a girl to them? Sure, I burp in their faces and tell them how much I want to pee every five minutes, but come on. I wear pink dresses, I wear mascara, I talk girl sometimes; why can’t I just be girl for once? Why won’t you fall for me? I’m right in front of you.
The more I think about it, the more I realize how much I like him. Winter formal was pretty sad; we both went but not together, just with a group. I tried to make it clear to him by subtly lying on him and saying I was tired and just wanted to sleep, but he backed out almost immediately. I’m really getting mixed signs here. We really talk a lot together and connect; we’re hilarious together telling jokes and singing terribly, and he really opens up to me. I mean, he tells me a lot of things (that can be personal), but I don’t feel like 1) we spend enough time together and 2) we’re just too much in the friend zone. He treats me like a crazy guy friend, but I’m not! I’m a girl who’s secretly in love with him! Why can’t he see that?
But then again.
Maybe it’s just young love. Maybe it’s just infatuation. Maybe it’s just a lame high school crush. What do I know about love anyway? I’ve never been in it; I’ve not lived enough years to solve the enigma. But right now, I’m just going to convince myself that this isn’t real love. If it’s not mutual, it’s nothing. There’s no “me” in love, there’s “we.” So I guess it’s just a one-sided love right now, and I’m okay with that. I just have to learn to accept it and cope with it. I’ve got an entire life time ahead of me, and I’m not eager to find romance right here and now.
Good night, tumblr. I’ll let you know when love hits me in the face (like it did Hazel Grace Lancaster and Augustus Waters).
I’m sorry I haven’t posted in…a very VERY long time. It’s just, you know, school and stuff. Life’s been pretty hectic recently, and I’m just trying to cope with everything. And this blog thing, I’m not very diligent when it comes to posting often, and I apologize. It’s just, I started this blog to give advice to people out there who need a little strength to get through a day. But, the thing is, I feel like a hypocrite by posting on this blog pictures and captions that sound encouraging and “inspirational.” Why? Because the advice I give is only what someone wishes he/she––including myself––can do, not something actually “doable.” I realized this when I was doing some thinking in the shower–about a boy.
Now, a bit of background info first: Freshmen year, we were in two classes together; throughout the year, we became close, and I began to see him as a hilarious down-to-earth guy who I can easily call a close friend. Sophomore year, we are in no classes together, and we barely even see each other; in total, we’ve only had brief, second-long exchanges about three or four times. A lot of change there. And that’s just kind of depressing. This guy–the loser with whom I genuinely connected and cared about–made me feel proud of myself. He knew I wasn’t perfect, and he knew I had flaws, but the thing is, he chose not to see them. He didn’t care about my flaws. He cared about who I was. And now, without him there to make me feel good about myself, I’m slipping away again. But here’s the thing: that’s only the optimistic “coming-of-age Hollywood” perspective. Last year, I learned about the difference between infatuation and true love. True love is when someone genuinely loves and cares about the other personally, and infatuation is when someone wants to love the other person, but it’s not real love; it’s not lasting unconditional love. I thought, and kept telling myself, that it was true love, that my feelings for him were real and he shared those feelings. But only now do I realize how ignorant and foolish I was to think that. All that time I was in denial of the truth: that it’s not true love. That it’s merely the idea of him that I adore, not actually him. And only now do I accept that. Only now do I accept that he is no longer in my life, and he is no longer here beside me anymore.
I share this with all of you, hoping that this will help clear the blurred lines separating true love and infatuation. I hope my experience will guide you through similar problems, and that it shows you the reality of life: things don’t always end happily; happy endings don’t exist, and that’s the truth. Though it may seem hard at first, don’t let it get you down. Each and every one of you is a beautiful and wonderful person who deserves a chance at true love. However long it takes, and in whatever form it’s in, true love will come to you. Because it’s inside of you.
Unfortunately, studies show that you are your worst critic. Don’t be so hard on yourself; you are lovely in every single way. Appreciate your body and don’t put yourself down. That is the simplest and best advice you will ever get, period.
Don’t you dare say you aren’t beautiful. Do not even dare. Beauty doesn’t mean looking like a size 00 model with perfect skin and eyes; beauty means loving the way you look, whether you are a size whatever or a specific race. Too many people nowadays don’t get that; the media gives a false message of beauty and perfection. We, as human beings, need to learn to enjoy our life the way we want to live it. That means not starving yourself, not taking laxatives, and not self harming. Love yourself because beauty is eternal, and beauty is eternal because beauty is love. And there is always love in the world, no matter what.
So, tonight, I want you to look at the stars. Look at the stars and realize how bright and beautiful they are: just tiny white lights placed upon a dark, black sky. How can such beauty be so simple? Yet it is. And so are you, and I don’t want you to ever forget that.
Have a little courage. And never be afraid of taking chances. You’ll never accomplish your goal until you have the faith to let everything else go. Because you will fail at nothing when you’re journeying towards your goal.
You’re probably out there thinking you’re just another person. That no one will be celebrating your death, or there won’t be a holiday made for you. You’re also probably wondering what to do with your life. Well, here’s something: MAKE A CHANGE. Do something with your life! Don’t wallow around complaining you’re nothing, when you’re not doing anything about it! Get your butt off the couch, and make a move. Life’s about helping others; it’s not all about you. So make your life worth something. For, “You only live once, but live it right, and once is enough.”
There’s no such thing as dreaming too big. No dream is too big, too impossible, to live. Life is the journey in achieving your goal or dream. So, if you can dream it, you can do it. Walt Disney is the biggest influence the world has ever seen, and it all began with a mouse.
You know what they say: learn from your mistakes. Know one can teach you something you won’t forget, except yourself. You’re the only one who controls your future, and you’re the only one who can learn from your personal past. Just do this: forget the hurt, the pain, the anguish, the suffering, but don’t forget what it taught you. That you are worth so much more, and deserve so much better. Don’t let one little thing mar your life forever. Forget the past, yet remember it.
These two were supposedly based on a real couple, who said they wouldn’t board a life boat as long as there were younger people still aboard the ship. They both went below deck, presumably to their room, and that’s the last time they were seen.
That’s Isador and Ida Strauss, who died together on the Titanic the night of April 14-15, 1912. He urged his wife to board on a lifeboat but she refused and was witnessed to have said “We have lived together for many years. Where you go, I go.”
Love exists. I know a lot of people who have gone through a bad heartbreak don’t ever want to love again. They’re not afraid of love, but what it can do. They’re afraid of the pain and sadness it caused, but they’re not afraid of love itself. Love is the most beautiful thing in this world. Society these days always manages to tear you down and turn you against yourself. Stay strong. Don’t let it. Hold on to something worth fighting for, and all will end well. I promise.
Many of you question “love.” I have to admit, I do too. Does it exist? Is it worth it? I’m not in the position to answer those questions, as I have not been genuinely romanced by anyone before, but I will say this: go for it. Take some chances. Love might seem so simple to you, like it’s just a word. But it’s not. When that special someone finally reaches you, you’ll know what people have been experiencing all this time. That soulmate will give love meaning. That will give YOU meaning. Love is the only thing that still holds the world together. If it’s gone, beware…
However, loving isn’t just having a boyfriend, or having a crush on anyone. Love is also your parents. Your friends. Many of you probably hate your parents so much to the point where you just want to run away, but listen up: they only do what they do for you. They do everything for your benefit. Yelling, punishing, it’s all so you can pull yourself together and have a bright future. The least you could do is thank them. My new years resolution is to appreciate my family more; to show them how much they really mean to me. I have taken them for granted too long. Everyday, I try to be as grateful as I am, but I’ll admit, sometimes it’s hard. But you just have to pull through. Talk it out with them, and heed their advice. After all, they are your parents.